Where's my 'stop' button?

Updated: Jun 17, 2020

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I really don’t seem to have been fitted with a ‘Full’ switch.

A signal from stomach to brain that says oy, oy – enough now. STOP. YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH. DROP THE FORK.

I’m a bit like a Labrador – put food in front of me and I eat and eat until it's gone and then when it has am permanently on the hunt for more.

I’ve not succumbed to plastic bags, cartons of cigarettes or stones or started drooling over peoples' laps yet like Jason my old Labrador did, so I suppose there’s some hope for me.

But, literally the second I finish my breakfast, my mind clicks into mmm what’s for lunch / dinner?

Whilst my hand moves absentmindedly into the fruit bowl for a completely banana which I’ve just put my breakfast plate down next to.

I need to revisit my previous advice and HIDE things. ‘Nothing edible within eyeline’ will be my new mantra.

Buffets, or help-your-self meals aren’t great for me as I can just keep going and only tend to stop when I realise that I’m the only one still eating and that everyone else had downed knives and forks ages ago.

Or when the food has all gone.

Or, if I’m out, when the waiters start to look concerned or the restaurant starts to close.

I've been in places where you can feel owners anxiously surveying the plates piling up plates or waiters looking at their watches to check when closing time is.

As I could bankrupt 'eat as much as you like' businesses, I tend to steer clear of those for both our sakes.

I also blame having been single for so long on having a large/insatiable appetite.

Buying food for one is tricky. Most things come in twos or for more than one person so obviously you have to eat both / the whole portion. (Maybe not with steaks. Fine for a small chicken.) The ready meals are usually for two people (two people under 8 I think judging by the portion size) and the ones for one - well - they are both quite laughable and sad at the same time. Obviously I buy the ones for two for myself and that's often not sufficient.

That’s why I’d be better off being given a ready filled plate. Here’s your meal; its been portioned for you; that’s all you’re getting. No, there are no more roast potatoes.

Maybe I need to employ a chef. Or order meals on wheels.

Thankfully, due to some freakish metabolic rate / genetic malfunction I am not the size I should be given the amount of food I’ve consumed over the years.

Mind you, the older I get, the clingier my food seems to be getting and it has started to hang around much more than it used to 😟

Maybe there’s some class that I could go to, like the ones you send dogs to stop them chewing things and

eating everything in sight?

I’ve just googled that. And no. Wearing a muzzle is a bit toooo extreme.

For now.


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