There's been many a blog and plenty articles on the daft terminology that crops up on menus these days - laminated pig; foraged, artisanal peas; apple with foamy shit and some kind of jus or the single-word descriptions where you have to guess what you might get - fish; potato; vegetable - is it fish, chips and peas or salted cod with a hasselback potato and dehydrated kale?
So I just wanted to share a couple of my menu irritants instead
1. Sharing platters that you can't share. Why do they give you odd numbers of portions for even numbers of people? 3 prawns / wings / mushrooms between 4 people? Cue the 'no it's ok you have it'; 'no, no it's fine you have it' 'I know, let's share it'. Tricky with a chicken wing. So you end up with a sliver of salami, a quarter of an olive and 3 pieces of bread.
2. Fancying up names for simple foods - florets in a velvety, bechamel sauce = cauliflower cheese. Hand cut chips = chips. Surely they used a knife anyway. Pommes puree = mash. And don't get me started on that 'deconstructed' revolution that won't go away... It's like a builder giving you all the materials to build a house instead of a house. If you like lemon meringue pie, you want a lemon meringue pie - not the ingredients in separate piles. Sheer laziness!!
My local pub has got in on the act too. It's an ordinary Holts's pub but they've recently changed their menu. Have a look at the new 'pub classics' they've introduced....Those family favourites that bring childhood memories rushing back. Oh for the days when I watched Bullseye whilst eating my Black Bean Chakalaka and Jackfruit and Pepper Balti....🤔